


Bureaucracy at Its Finest

by selenesun



Category: DCU (Comics), Smallville
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 04:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14488815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selenesun/pseuds/selenesun
Summary: Lex and Clark are married, divorced, and everything in between.





	Bureaucracy at Its Finest

**Author's Note:**

> I used NYC's marriage and divorce procedure blatantly, a lot of information was gathered from here: http://www.cityclerk.nyc.gov/html/marriage/marriage_bureau.shtml. I know there must be large loopholes in my imagined legal system. All mistakes are mine.

Branda Wiggins is just an ordinary clerk working at Marriage Bureau of the Metropolis City Clerk's Office. The job is, as anyone may guess, very dull. In her fifteen-year career at the Office, she gets to sit at her spotless desk and collect forms every day. There are application forms for marriage licenses handed in by all these couples: They smile, they laugh, they stare into each other's eyes with sickening affection or act nervously like total fools. It's all very touching and endearing, sure, but she also collects divorce papers. She knows the cold hard number of the astounding divorce rate—how this number cancels out the efforts people put into getting married, and how much work this brings to her and her colleagues. It’s safe to say, that after her first six months on the job, the thrill of seeing happy couples has melted like April snow.

Nowadays, only the very famous applicants, or The Infamous Applicant, would make her days seem a bit more exciting and different. Rectify that, those, and one man who carries in legal documents for submission for one certain prestigious law firm with a certain stern look. Branda sighs and checks her desk calendar. It’s already September, any day now. Thank god Superman hasn’t had a fight with Lex Luthor this far into the month. Maybe they can hold until October? The last of the Special Blank Judicial Waive was used on The Infamous Applicant back in February. She really should call Judge Vasquez before this year ends…

She hands a marriage certificate to the couple in waiting with a half-hearted “Congratulations” to send them away, and clicks the “Next” button calling the last queuing number without looking up. At that moment the grandfather clock in the hallway starts to strike ominously, and on the fifth and final strike, the man with that stern look steps up in front of her desk, putting down a pristine large envelope. “Good afternoon, Branda. You know the drill.”

“What? How?! It’s all peaceful this month! Our resident alien didn’t even lay a finger on him, on either of them. They are not developing another routine, are they, Jacob?”

***

Branda officially met Jacob for the first time exactly twelve years ago.

It was a surprise. To be honest what she didn’t expect to see was what he brought, instead of he himself. Jacob, as an assistant to the big-time star lawyer Olivia Ford, was a well-known face around here, though Branda never thought he would stop by her desk. Turned out he stopped by more times than some newbie divorce lawyers did, and all those visits were for only one client—Metropolis’ very own Lex Luthor.

For someone had power, wealth, and a reputation like Lex Luthor, people usually found it confusing of why he got married so many times, only had all those marriages nullified or got divorced pretty soon afterward. Yet Branda sensed something icky from the very beginning.

The first time he came in to sign the forms with his then bride-to-be, it was almost anti-climax. Lex Luthor walked the ground like he owned it, calm, confident, strong. Typical. The brunette beauty on his arm was fragile and perfect, a little on the pale side. Her finger trembled slightly when she signed her name. Not typical, though Branda was willing to chalk that up to excitement of pocketing the most eligible bachelor in town. Still, two months later, when Jacob introduced himself, Branda was not expecting to see the divorce papers he produced for his boss’ client. Well, rich people, they had their quirks.

In the next three years, Lex got married another six times. All those marriages ever fruited were workloads in file processing, and this weird comradeship between Branda and Jacob. During that period, the title TIA was coined, Superman started gracing Metropolis, Daily Planet’s star duo Lane & Kent published articles after articles of LexCorp’s shady experiments and political scandals. Branda and Jacob chatted about what was going on with the more and more infamous billionaire on their brief yet regular encounters, and Branda garnered an almost-respect to Lex. Why, the man was courageous enough to keep trying to find happiness, regardless of how many times he had failed. Of course, she also was getting more and more certain that all his choices of intended were wrong.

Lex’s effort stopped after the death of Superman. Branda went to the funeral as everyone else in Metropolis. It was no doubt that Lex’s pale and stoic face belied deep grief, and Branda started wondering what really had happened between him and Superman. A year later, Branda read from the newspaper that Lex found his lost love child and took full guardianship. She felt a little relief for him for the first time.

Branda didn’t expect to see Lex ever come in again, but he did. The eighth marriage was, in itself, splendid. This time, instead of bringing in a usual perfect brunette, Lex brought along a tall, handsome, sweet young man. Oh how Lex glowed. Branda had never seen him this soft and approachable, even if the name on the form made her take a double take. Clark Jerome Kent. Well, love worked in strange ways, and if it was not true love in both men’s eyes, Branda didn’t know what it was. Lex also presented a Judicial Waive signed by Judge Vasquez to get married right on the spot. Branda approved whole-heartedly; she would be glad to not meet Jacob in the Office because of Lex again.

Only Superman came back from death with a grand entrance battle. Uh oh, Branda thought, here comes trouble. After another kidnapping rescue turned epic stand-off, Jacob showed up once more, even he looked defeated. Branda wallowed in sympathy for a while; her faith in true love took a very big dent that day.

What followed was something that didn’t happen every day—a re-marriage. Branda started rooting for Clark and Lex again. Why couldn’t Superman stay away from other people’s marriage? She hoped he could learn to respect that, no matter how obsessed he was with Lex. He had his chance, anyway. Poor Clark.

But when the cycle went again for the third time, Branda was annoyed. Like, seriously annoyed. What were these two thinking? By now, they should have realized that they were destined to be together, right? Superman was very fantastic and amazing, but he shouldn’t be able to affect Clark and Lex’s relationship this easily! How she despised him sometimes.

By the fifth cycle, Branda decided that enough was enough. She talked Judge Vasquez into giving her a stack of the Special Blank Judicial Waive, so she could slip one to Jacob before every time those two idiots get ‘re-married’ again, and simply gave up on running the divorce process in the system. Technically, Clark and Lex had stayed married for five years without interruption, though they still popped in for ‘re-marriages’ with Superman shenanigans in between. Branda usually didn’t complain; they were a treat to her sore eyes any given day, and their micro-system was working well. Only Judge Vasquez is retiring after this coming New Year, and Branda didn’t know how to keep the micro-system working in the following long years. This brought Branda to the present days.

***

“Good afternoon, Branda. You know the drill.”

“What? How?! It’s all peaceful this month! Our resident alien didn’t even lay a finger on him, on either of them. They are not developing another routine, are they, Jacob?”

Jacob shakes his head. “Beats me. They rushed into Ms. Ford’s office after lunch and went on their separate ways five minutes later. But if you ask me, I’d say they’d get back real soon this time. C looked really undetermined on his way in; as of L, well, he just looked kinda sad.” Jacob stops, then lowers his voice. “Do you think maybe it’s more about that bat maniac appeared last week than Big Blue this time?”

Branda sighs, more heavily than just a few minutes ago. “I don’t know, and honestly, I don’t care. You know the Judge is finally retiring in three months? We were so lucky to have him around for so long! God only knows how we can get new blank waives afterward. I need to call him now, to get the final dozen of SBJW’s. Those’ll at least last a while.”

Nodding his head, Jacob pushes the envelope towards Branda. “I bet they’ll be back together even before the old man’s retirement, mark my words. Anyway, it’s a neat trick. I think Ms. Ford guessed half of it, the last a few times she looked at me strangely right before I left to deliver their papers, and she hasn’t breathed a word to L. She must approve.”

Branda rolls her eyes. “Yeah, I’m saving her a hell lot of trouble as I’m saving my own. Every time they come in here to sign the application form, they appear all sweet on each other, yet you always bring these in only months later. I don’t know what it is if it’s not a vicious circle. Gee, if we really run these through every time, the system would be stuck in a loop forever!”

“And when Robin brought their marriage record up, I thought there is some nefarious plot cooking in the City Hall!”

Both of them are shocked to see a raven-haired teenager appear out of nowhere. Branda recognizes his black tee shirt and the big red S first: “Hey, you are Superman’s cousin… Superboy right? Listen, boy, citizen’s marriage status is none of your business! There is this thing called privacy.” She frowns a little. “Actually, as you are here conveniently, can you get Superman here as well? I think I have a long overdue conversation with him. Let’s just get this over with.”

Superboy, strangely, doesn’t seem bothered with Branda’s reprimand; he even smirks a little, and talks into his earpiece in that alien language, and Superman appears in front of them seconds later, a bright smile on face. “Branda, yes? Superboy said you needed to talk?”

Seeing him up close is intimidating, smile or no smile, but Branda braves up. She steps from behind the desk and walks up to Superman. “That’s Ms. Wiggins to you, mister, and please, hear me out before you interrupt.

“I’m as thankful for your help to the city as anyone else, but there’s one thing I think you are lacking: you really should respect other people’s choices, especially those concerning matters of the heart. Lex Luthor and Clark Kent, they are one of the most in love couples who have ever walked through that door over there. I’ve been sitting at this desk for fifteen years, I should know. I understand you had a history with Mr. Luthor, and it’s very hard to let someone go, especially those you love; but you see, he moved on, and all your attempts of winning him back have been causing them pain, causing yourself pain as well, I’m sure.”

Yeah, there’s pain in Superman’s brilliant blue eyes, that makes Branda soften a bit. She takes one step closer, patting Superman’s bicep soothingly as she can’t easily reach his shoulder. “There, there. And you know what? Despite all the disputes and quarrels, they always get back together, even after eight years of this on-and-off marriage, they still love each other that much, and I don’t believe someone who loves that deeply can be really evil. Try to talk more, communication is the key! I’m sure you’ll find out most cases are just misunderstanding. Making Mr. Luthor’s life less painful may even improve communication effectiveness, I bet! Not to mention Mr. Kent, he’s such a good guy, he doesn’t deserve to be involved in all of this, right?

“Give yourself another chance to meet someone special, Superman, you are the man of tomorrow, sure you’ll find that someone, hey, maybe tomorrow will be your lucky day.” Branda tries to smile encouragingly, she’s not sure if she succeeded.

Superman doesn’t speak for almost a full minute, but Superboy starts clapping, and Jacob follows suit. “You sure know how to deliver a speech, lady! And well spoken!” At least that brings Superman out of his stupor. He nods thoughtfully, and suddenly grins into his blinding grin. “I agree. Ms. Wiggins, thank you so much, for shedding light on things I’ve long missed and ignored.” He cocks his head to one side, listening to something. “Sorry, Ms. Wiggins, I have to go, duty calls. See you around. Superboy, come along.” Just like that, they are both gone.

***

Two days later, Lex and Clark are back at Branda’s desk. This is a new record. She stares at them, dumbfounded and in shock, doesn’t know what to do.

Luckily, Lex takes lead in the talk. “Ms. Wiggins, please don’t be alarmed, we are just here to cancel our last divorce submission. I have reliable sources assuring me that it was not put into processing, so, it will be very kind of you if we can simply have the forms back.” He’s smiling, that’s a good sign. A small, elegant envelope is placed in front of her. “And I am very, very grateful for your help and kindness in all these years. Please accept this small token of gratitude.”

Branda stands up without a word; she dutifully opens a closet and takes a whole box over her desk, inside are the unprocessed Kent-Luthor files she collected over the years. Lex is still smiling, and Clark, he looks at her so gratefully, she’s suddenly shy. She has to say something. “I want to clarify that this wasn’t a joke or me lazing over my work. It’s just that, you can’t let true love lay waste.”

Clark steps over and gives her a big hug. “Thank you!” He’s choking a bit, it’s almost a whisper. “and we won’t waste all your good work.” Lex walks up beside him, wrapping his arm around Clark’s waist. “Yeah, we promise.”

Branda watches them leave the Office, Clark carrying the box in one hand, the other hand in Lex’s grasp, and feels the satisfaction of a job well done. Time to check what’s in the envelope Lex left. She takes a glance—the number on the cheque makes her eyebrow disappear in her hairline. Looks like she can have an early retirement anytime now. See, bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible, and with some wriggling, of making the impossible possible.


End file.
